


what makes a man?

by CaptainButts



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, chen and xiumin are married and are briefly in this, hes so embarrassing, kris is a dad, suho is dumb and drunk, tao is a child
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 10:21:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8746702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainButts/pseuds/CaptainButts
Summary: “So tell me,” Kris started. “What happened to get you black out drunk enough to climb into my backyard?”The other shuffled in his spot, before letting out a frustrated breath. “It’s...complicated.”“This whole night was complicated.” or kris found suho passed out drunk in his backyard at 3 am.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bdock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bdock/gifts).



> title from what makes a man? by city and colour  
> prompt from tumblr! :o

 

He saw fireworks. 

 

Well, they actually startled him out of his liquor-induced slumber, but Junmyeon would ignore that part. He was feeling a bit drunk still, unable to really comprehend what exactly he was doing. Until of course, he felt the obvious cold like a punch in the face. He tried not to think about where he was or how he got there. Junmyeon decided that tonight, he would put aside all of his worries.  _ Yeah.  _ He shut his eyes for a brief second.  _ Just one night. Let me have this. _

 

The stars lit up the sky, seemingly dancing with the colors that burst from the celebrations below. The skies were sending him greetings and he giggled back, blinking up at them as they disappeared and were shot up again. 

 

“Hey.” There was a voice prompting him to get up, a rather gravelly one, might Junmyeon add. It was nice. He liked textures and grittiness. “Mind telling me what the hell you’re doing?” The voice inquired, rather loudly this time, and Junmyeon may or may not have been hallucinating at this point.

 

He blinked his eyes open to see a man hovering over him. He was about to respond when felt something sniffing his groin. He jolted up, body snapping forward to look at the fluffy puppy jumping around him playfully. Junmyeon nearly squealed--and yeah maybe he had a bit too much to drink, and usually he would regret it. But he watched the dog’s tail wag and his mind had been void of all else, momentarily forgetting the man standing to the side before said man cleared his throat in evident exasperation.

 

“Huh?” Junmyeon asked intelligently. 

 

The man furrowed his eyebrows, not taking any of drunk Junmyeon’s shit tonight. “It’s nearly 3 am. What are you doing in my backyard?”

 

Junmyeon looked around. Ah, he was indeed in this man’s back yard. He glanced down at his bare feet. “Where are my shoes?” Then looked up at the man, tilting his head to the side. Where were they? They were lost somewhere to fend for themselves-- cold and alone and inexperienced in dealing with the harsh realities of the world-- Junmyeon whimpered, suddenly upset over his brutal loss when the man knelt down to get eye-level with Junmyeon. He cursed, suddenly panicked that the man in his yard was on the verge of tears. 

 

“Look, I’m sorry about your shoes-- No, please don’t cry, I’ll get you some slippers from inside--” He helped lift Junmyeon onto his feet and it was then that Junmyeon realized. “Holy shit, you’re tall!” Junmyeon’s tears seemed to completely dissipate as he attempted to pat the tall man’s head, huffing when he realized he definitely wasn’t coordinated enough to jump up and reach the top of the stranger’s head. They collided, Junmyeon’s head ramming into the man’s chin.

 

The man was not happy, holding Junmyeon up with one arm to steady him while simultaneously hissing at the pain. He rubbed his chin while his frown grew deeper. He deadpanned at the drunk, “Yeah, I am. Anyway, please hurry up. I’m really freezing out he--”

 

Junmyeon paused in his steps. wavering. He clenched his stomach tightly. 

 

“I’m going to throw up now.” 

 

“No!” The stranger’s eyes grew wide with panic. “Trash can! Run over to the trash--” he pointed frantically in the direction, Junmyeon whipping his head to find the designated vomit pit before he released all his stomach’s contents all over the stranger. 

 

The man looked down at Junmyeon, completely resigned, then gaped at the mess all over his pants. “Of course.”

 

Junmyeon had an iron grip on the back of the stranger’s shirt, as he made his way into the warmth of the house. He was greeted by a barrage of new faces, all of whom were staring up at him with wide eyes. 

 

“Dad! Who’s that?” The boy peeked up from the apparent pillow fort in the middle of the living room. He wrinkled his nose. “And why do you smell so bad?” 

  
  


“Yeah, Kris, who is that?” A cat-like grin gracing the man’s face. Suho hid behind the stranger--Kris, as he was called-- for cover. The cat-man was elusive and conniving, he could feel it. “You certainly have a penchant for picking up strays, don’t you?”

 

Kris spoke up, perhaps defending Junmyeon’s honor. “Jongdae, this drunk guy was outside petting Peanut, what was I supposed to do?” Kris darted past the new strangers,  leaving Junmyeon with the strangers for a brief moment. The strangers balked at him, gaping at him as if he were a species from another planet. He shrunk into himself, hoping  Kris would return soon, and he did only to come back decked in Christmas-themed pajamas. 

 

“Peanut…” Junmyeon trailed off wistfully, trying to catch a glimpse of the dog who seemed to be fast asleep on the sofa. “A beautiful name for a beautiful specimen.”

 

There’s another man leaning into Jongdae, leering at Junmyeon. “What if he’s dangerous?”

 

Junmyeon shuffled a little bit in his spot. Kris furrowed his brows, “Minseok, he cried over losing his shoes, he’s harmless…” He trailed off, raising a brow to look at Junmyeon who looked down at his bare toes immediately. Junmyeon froze as he wiggled them a little. Did he lose his  _ socks _ too? Oh no, he was a shoeless, sockless mess. 

 

“Look at what you did! You both made him cry,” he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “He’s going to stay here for a bit until he sobers up.”

 

“What’s your name?” Jongdae chirped from his seat.

 

“Kim Junmyeon,” he struggled to bow, his stomach feeling a little bit weird as he let out a small hiccup. He stood upright quickly, sending the catman a nice smile. Jongdae returned it easily.

 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Kim Jongdae, and this is Minseok, my husband.” Minseok sent Junmyeon a reluctant wave, his lips pressed into a distrusting line. “And the nice man standing next to you is  _ the _ Kris Wu.”

 

“Kris, I don’t know how I feel about this…” Minseok spoke up, earning himself a nudge from Jongdae.

 

Jongdae opened his cat-mouth but Kris cut him off. “He’s staying. End of discussion.” He closed his mouth, seemingly satisfied with an extremely amused look on his face.

 

“Wasn’t about to argue with you, Boss.”

 

Junmyeon froze. “You’re a  _ boss _ ?” He stage whispered to Kris. “Like… of the mafia?” Junmyeon’s eyes were wide with excitement, earning him an incredulous look from Kris. 

 

“ _ What _ ?”

 

Just then, the boy from the couch rushed over. “He sure is!” Kris furrowed his eyes at the boy.

 

“Tao, don’t tell lies.”

 

Tao pouted up at him, gesturing for his dad to come closer. Junmyeon tried to listen in, but the narrowed eyes he got from Tao made him turn away quickly, embarrassed that he’d been caught trying to eavesdrop. 

 

Kris let out a resigned sigh, before turning back to Junmyeon. “Oh no, you’ve caught me. It’s me, Seoul’s notorious mafia leader,” he spoke in monotone, earning himself a snort from Jongdae on the couch. 

 

“Whoa,” Junmyeon’s eyes only grew bigger. “Am I going to be interrogated? Did I do something to make you come after me?” Kris watched the way Junmyeon’s lip seemed to tremble at the end of his sentence and he wanted nothing more than to milk the shit out of this bit. The taller of the two couldn’t help but feel completely endeared at how gullible Junmyeon was, pulling him by the sleeve of his shirt.

 

“I’ve had my eye on you for a while, Kim Junmyeon,” Kris growled into his ear, drawing out a shiver from Junmyeon. He was sure his cover was blown when a fit of giggles sprung from Tao’s mouth, but Junmyeon was anything but suspicious. Kris watched Junmyeon’s adam’s apple bob as he let out a sharp gasp. 

 

Kris made every move completely obvious as he played the villain, tying Junmyeon to the couch with nothing but silly string and Tao’s scarves that he’d roped together. Jongdae and Minseok watched the scene unfold before them, wondering when the drunk would catch onto the fact that ‘No, we’re not the mafia. No, Kris is not a mafia boss, he’s a basketball coach for the local YMCA, you’ve got to be kidding.’ They’ve only stated those facts three times, surely he should have come to his senses by then.

 

An hour into their interrogation, which mainly consisted of a game of Twenty Questions, Tao completely knocked out. Jongdae and Minseok left quite a time ago, both completely exhausted with the whole situation. 

 

“Text us if he ends up being an axe murderer,” Jongdae rolled his eyes as he walked out after being completely ignored by the duo. Minseok pulled his husband out quickly. (“I really just want to forget that Kris literally tied Junmyeon up in the living room with actual bondage gear. Please. Let’s. Go.” Kris hid his blushing face from behind his hands, earning himself a very concerned look from Junmyeon in the process.)

 

Kris laughed at something Junmyeon had whispered into his ear.

 

Junmyeon turned to Kris after they put Tao to bed with a dopey looking smile on his face. “You’re a really good dad,” he said. “I mean, for a mafia boss.”

 

Kris smirked. “Thanks, I guess.”

 

Junmyeon seemed so small in his large knit sweater, practically undressing Kris with glossy eyes. The hairs on the back of Kris’ neck stood up, his cheeks heating up with Junmyeon’s full attention. He leaned against the door, trying to be smooth, before the door opened up, causing him to fall backward.

 

“Holy shit! Kris, are you alright?” Junmyeon immediately went to his side, checking the back of Kris’ head to see if he’d hurt anything too severely.

 

Kris groaned, “Yeah, I’m fine.” He leaned up, watching Junmyeon’s face inch closer. 

 

Junmyeon shook his head. “You should ice it. Wouldn’t want you to have an untreated concussion. That could be bad.”

 

Kris’ eyebrows furrowed in confusion, wondering when Junmyeon had gotten so coherent. Junmyeon helped lift him up, leading him to the couch to lay down. He maneuvered his way through Kris’ kitchen rather easily, quickly finding the ice pack stuffed in the bottom rack of the freezer. 

 

“You seem a lot more sober than you did a few minutes ago.” Kris observed knowingly, amused at the way Junmyeon’s body seemed to still for a moment.

 

Junmyeon turned to him, a guilty look gracing his face. He bit his lip as Kris patted the spot next to him. Junmyeon did a walk of shame over to him, handing Kris the ice pack. “Why’d you pretend to be drunk?” 

 

“I wasn’t pretending at first, but then you took me into your sex dungeon--”

(“Sex dungeon?? You mean Tao’s  _ play _ room?”) “--and I sobered up pretty quickly after that.”

 

“Junmyeon, that was like ten minutes after you came in.”

 

Junmyeon looked down at his feet. “I know, I’m sorry.” He groaned, letting his face fall into his hands. “I...I was just having so much fun with you and Tao and even Jongdae and Minseok.” Kris looked at the crestfallen man. “You must think I’m super weird, I’m sorry, I’ll leave.” He stood up to gather himself before he was pulled back down onto the couch by Kris.

 

“I don’t think you’re weird.” Kris whispered back, expression incredibly somber. “I had a lot of fun with you too.” 

 

Junmyeon blushed, turning his head to hide his heated cheeks. “Oh.”

 

“So tell me,” Kris started. “What happened to get you black out drunk enough to climb into my backyard?”

 

The other shuffled in his spot, before letting out a frustrated breath. “It’s...complicated.”

 

“This whole night was complicated.” Kris laughed, wincing as he pressed the ice pack a bit too harshly to his head. “I don’t mind listening.”

 

Junmyeon scoffed. “You’re gonna pity me.”

 

“Promise I won’t.” He lifted up his hand. 

 

Junmyeon’s stomach was doing backflips at the crooked smile Kris was sending him and he really wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

 

“My boyfriend dumped me last month.”

 

Kris nodded. “It happens, y’know--”

 

“We were together for five years.”

 

Kris’ mouth snapped shut. 

 

“I was planning on proposing that day.” Junmyeon’s hands were fiddling in his lap. He didn’t want to see the look on Kris’ face. 

 

“Hey.” Kris took his hand. “It’s okay. I know it sucks now, but it’s not the end of the world.”

 

Junmyeon bit his lip, eyes watering as he finally looked up at Kris. “He was my world.”

 

“ _ Don’t _ say that. ”Kris’ eyebrows scrunched up. “Don’t  _ ever _ say that. The person who you need to love more than anyone is yourself.” Junmyeon was taken aback by the intensity of Kris’ words. The older looked almost angry. “No offense, but even a stranger like me can see that you sell yourself short.” 

 

With a nod, he let his tears fall. “Thanks.” He laughed, “I never do this. I must look so pathetic.”

 

Kris made a face. “There’s nothing pathetic about putting yourself out there. You tried. You fell in love. You got your heart broken.” He placed his hand on Junmyeon’s thigh, watching as the shorter man’s eyes grew bigger.  “It happens, but you just have to pick yourself back up.”

 

Junmyeon is silent for a moment. 

 

“What if it happens again? How do I know I won’t be hurt?”

 

Kris smiled. “You just have to find the right person.”

 

“Very original.” Junmyeon scrunched his nose, smiling through his tears. Kris laughed, pulling him into a one sided hug that Junmyeon leaned into.

 

Their faces were mere inches apart.

 

“Tell me I’m reading the situation correctly,” Junmyeon giggled as Kris leaned his head in a little closer. He could feel Kris’ breath on his lips. 

 

“You definitely are.”

 

They pushed their mouths together, both of them smiling into the kiss. Junmyeon pulled the ice pack off of Kris’ head, pushing the taller of the two onto the back of the couch to climb on top of him. Kris stared up at Junmyeon eyes completely blown with wonder.

 

Junmyeon tilted his head at him. “You’re staring.”

Kris shrugged. “I was wondering how someone could voluntarily  _ leave _ someone as beautiful as you.”

 

Junmyeon nudged him, blushing. “Shut up.” He leaned low to bury his face in the crook of Kris’ neck, littering kisses onto his shoulder. 

 

Kris let out a giggle. “Enough, I’m ticklish there.” To which Junmyeon ignored, smirking as Kris’ breath became a bit shorter, more labored. 

 

“Is Tao a light sleeper?” Junmyeon asked, his mouth twitched up in a shy smile.

 

Kris shook his head, hair completely tousled and face flushed an incredible shade of red.  

 

“Good.”

 

//

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for writing my paper hana. hope this isn't too bad!!! ;3;


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